英文已如此搞笑,翻译却更加残暴。这样不好，不好……

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。

2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊！

3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯NB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你

4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。

5、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。

6、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比pol.ice来的快.

7、 Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （弹簧玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。

8、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏了！！

9、War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。

10、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装B。

11、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点….这就是为嘛有些NB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B…

12、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。

13、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。

14、If you think noｂｏｄｙ cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~

15、Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。

12、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。


还好我妈文明-0-

14、If you think noｂｏｄｙ cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~

我试试

6、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比pol.ice来的快.
有同感

我素水的…

  
13、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我想要的是职业，结果发现我只是想要工资。

where is my career?

3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯NB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
。。。原来我还一直纳闷为什么好多人都比我NB那么多。。。原来如此。。。

纯NB=小白？

1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。

半夜出去试验下  其实我 想要的 是 宝马